In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
