There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
