Porn is love you can see.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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