a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
