Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
