Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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