I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
