the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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