Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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