I bet he comes in French.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
