I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
