Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
