You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
