The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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