Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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