SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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