If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
