My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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