Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
