I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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