he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
