"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
