Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
