I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
