Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
