the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I understand Curling. That high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
