i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
