well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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