two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
