my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
