oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
