She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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