She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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