so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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