Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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