It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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