I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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