I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
