well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
