Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
