alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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