Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
