guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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