So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i need to put some appletini on your dick
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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