i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
