You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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