What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
