if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
