Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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