Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
