I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
