I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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