Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
