Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
