Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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