after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
